hah, after almost a whole week of hum drumminess, i finally treated myself a little myself today. "self indulgence is better than no indulgence at all" hahahah
went to buy a new shirt from seed that was *gasp* ...50% off !yay went jalan jalan a lil after that wif miaow, waiting for my movie to start. today's selection was the stepford wives, so i bravely ventured forth alone, into the cinema. cos there wasn't really anyone else who was around and i really needed to watch a movie or something to refresh my brain.
but lo and behold, i walked into the theatre, thinking i was late, cos the trailers had already started, and to my shock, there was only
ΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠ
ΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠ
ΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠ me, ΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠ
ΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠ
ΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠ
in the cinema.
it was sorta freaky and sorta fun at the same time, cos i asked for middle seat, and i was right in the middle haha, that little pleasure of getting the whole cinema to yourself so you can guffaw and talk to the screen without being harrased. ;)
but alas, it was too good to be true when
ΠΠΠΠ more ΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠand more ΠΠΠΠΠ
ΠΠΠ and also a couple ΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠ few more Π
ΠΠΠΠΠ a few people, me ΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠ
ΠΠΠΠ yet another couple ΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠ
ΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠΠ some kids Π
started drifting into the cinema, all in all about 20 ppl in our cosy lil stepford session haha.
what was more entertaining was this girl in the group next to me who erupted into giggles whenever the fun gay guy appeared on screen... (¬_¬ )"" i felt like throwing some of my chachos at her, but what a waste of perfectly good junkfood.
the movie was a fun watch, i absolutely loved that retro feel to it, and those commercials used in the credits montage at the beginning. imagine happy women dancing ballet aroundwashing machines. Ooo, and glenn close doing a "spin cycle" (you gotta watch the movie for that).
i loved the way those perfect houses straight out of a magazine could look so perfect and perfectly sinister. reminded me alot of pleasantville in a way, cos the ideals of the "american dream" are so ridiculous and so naive especially if you see what happens in the great ol U.S of A nowadays.
the important moral, i guess, and that i totally agree with is, 'what's perfect and what's right ain't always the same'...i guess...
then hopped into a bus and came home. i'm tired now, so i'm gonna take a nap.
a sample:
Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - "This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: this glass is half full. And then there are those who say: this glass is half empty. The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
and i feel my life of assignments seems to be under control again, managed to finish a whole marker piece in class today yay! and it turned out pretty well too, tho i must admit it's was a much simpler reference than what other ppl chose, lecturer didn't mind, so i went ahead. it's on DA as well, but i'm gonna out it here haha. got the reference from here
teko teko
Got a cat the other day. Had to swerve to get it, but I got it.
whee, i have managed to sorta catch up on my assignments. i hope and pray that is...
shall have a chat *shudder*, with my lecturers to ascertain my situation.
please god, let me not turn into mush whenever i start talking to that person. let me be able to act like the fun/crazy/usual person i think i am. i hate the fact i seem to go into seriousselfconciousnervous mode sometimes around you know who.
it'll make life more fun again if i can be a little more insane like usual around that person. and not worry too much about what opinions or conclusions might arise. if that person doesn't like it, i shouldn't force it. don't wanna be the wonky shaped peg trying to fit thru a square hole that's not even the correct size.
these circles i keep running around make me dizzy.
i think i shall dub that 4 am syndrome.
and remedy it with 11 am...something.
choir practice later today. but there's also photography class. hopefully i can understand the lecturer today. most of the time, it's just guesswork with the guy. he's akin to spouting easily misunderstood phrases. like how depth of field can sound like death of you.
and then also cramming for assignments for marker visuals class.
"This is a fictional, fantastical, frivolous and fun blog of an openly gay Malaysian living in Kuala Lumpur. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental, attributable to my terribly active imagination."
I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
searching around, it's tiring being myself all the time. sometimes i like to retreat to someplace that's not me, so i can sorta run on auto pilot.
questions questions questions
everyday. who am i? what am i doing?
what is right? what is wrong?
"there's a fine fine line.-"
i wonder sometimes am i wasting my time and my feelings... it's so draining, wondering everyday whether my feelings will ever be returned.
should i just come out with it all? it's easier in some ways. but it's hard as hell in a whole lot of others. i don't want to drag anyone else by virtue of association. what is the point of blogging eh?
i think i should just keep in the closet.
(that was either the most obscure way of phrasing that, or the most obvious, take your pick. anyways, if you've already figured it out, good for you. feel free to leave whatever questions or presumptions by clicking the comment button below, i'm curious what you have concluded)
it's just an online journal, so these thoughts can be shared, making the world a little more smaller...
i feel like crying again.
i hate blaming external factors like not hanging out with friends and stuff like that not occupying me and making these thougths arise again. but if that's the case, is it a story of just postphoning the inevitable?
ppl say be yourself. i'm being myself, but part of myself wants to change. what am i now then?
if i deem something as a fault, wouldn't i wanna work on it? would a wholehearted acceptance of one's faults an acceptance, or just complacency?
"some things i cannot change, but till i try i'll never know. "
i keep telling myself, people keep telling me, i'm paranoid, i think too much... but it's my way of dealing with the fear of the unknown. by running things thru my head, it sorta helps take the edge off unpleasant surprises? if i'm right on the money, which is rare...
but it feels better than doing nothing at all, well, to me anyways..
"everything except death and your taxes is only...for now. "
so i go to sleep and wonder why i'm doing this to myself or why this is happening, i don't like what my mind or my heart (i can't tell) is telling me the solution to all this.
this looks familiar. maybe i DO have emotional cycles that happen like clockwork...
i feel so tired. emotionally, physically and mentally. i just don't wanna wake up anymore. but i do anyways, cos there this obstinate part of me that's a cock-eyed optimist in the face of all the depression i seem to heaping on myself.
or perhaps since it's all written down, it's being released? ie: i should be the advocate of therapeutic blogging heheh.
it's that time of the year again!. no i don't mean time to check whether the cops have discovered your horde of pirated goods in the house! i mean it's time to watch me making a fool of myself!!! (i mean, performing! muahhahaa)
anwyways, this time it's gonna be a really exciting performance featuring international selections of rhythms and thalam. hahaha
anyways, if you can't make head or tail out of my rambling here, go take a look at the link above, lazy to scroll up? here it is AGAIN!!!
what a depressing blog this has been for the past few weeks.
oh my.
time to get back to viewing the world with a more cynical and sarcastic way to bring in the laughs.
...
...
...
sorry, no can do, i'm not a very funny person.
like how some people seem to be art appreciators, i also seem to be a humour appreciator, i can find a whole lotta crap funny, for instance monty python till oscar wilde, but i can't really be funny. how sad that is :D but i'm into morbid humour sometimes,...so...HA!
ish ish ish, back down the thorny path of depression again. or otherwise depression causing.
but the other sick way of it is giving a good time to everyone out there by virtue of the phenomenon of Schadenfreude.
wahahhahahh...*ahem*
foundphotos something to max out your connection. off the site==>
"The Found Photos started earlier this year while searching for mp3's using a filesharing program. I was searching through someones shared file list, and saw a folder named 'pictures'. I downloaded the folder and found 20 or so digital camera pictures of this persons life, taking pictures of himself, his friends etc. It made me wonder what else was out there, and after searching for more photos I found hundreds, thousands of them shared to everyone."
and before you think this is some guy with a voyeuristic streak,
"The world seems like a smaller place after finding all these photos and posting the ones that are worthwhile. I can see so many of the same emotions and situations that i've experienced over the years, unique to each person but similar and instantly recognizable. I've filtered through 1000's and 1000's of photos of everyday life and not so everyday life to find the ones that make up the archives here. Hopefully the pictures as worthwhile to view as they have been to find."
well, i visited this site a while back, and i decided to share it here because it feels so real. it's probably also associated with the current craze for reality based programming. after being bombarded with idealized concepts of "perfection" and "normal" we all need some sort of confirmation outside from our immediate circle to confirm yes, we are indeed people. yes, we are not perfect, who is? but life is still going on and life is wonderful.
The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an oncoming train.
i am behind on assignments. well, only for one subject anyways. even got a warning letter about it. this time, i cannot escape. cos my mom read the letter before even i saw it. it got sent to the house. how nice of them.
>bleh<
so things i have begun/must get done
discovered mahou shoujo tai
reading the elder gods by david and leigh eddings
got called by the ppl at M! the opera and they told me i got a spot in the show. tho what spot is yet to be known...
play catch up for marker visuals
work on my WTC booklet for applied typography
come up with a new advertising campaign
do community service for moral studies (paint playground)
sort out my photography album
fuh
eep, and the ykls performance overlaps my final week at college. god please be with me.
ish ish, i hate the way i always seem to get bloody psychosomatic symptoms whenever i seriously want to do work. my subconcious is agaisnt me!!!!
i am rationing the days i go out now. or really cool off on stepping out of the house for frivolous reasons till i am really in control of my assignments/ my parents are convinced i am really in control of my work, wahahha. how devious i remain, even under the circumstances.
and one thing that has been worrying me. even with minimal physical activity, i still get hungry so fast and often. tis troubling. i must up the jumping around to accomodate and to avoid the needle on the scale moving up up and away into the fatlands. my vanity must keep me in check. :D
a pretty fun passage i'm sure some of you guys have already encountered before, either thru english articles or even chain mails.
sorta makes us wonder why don't we just forget about it and go speak french or german. but then we'll have to remember whether to refer to a table as female or male. (which makes me wonder what do we refer to various computer parts; is a keyboard male or female? :D )
English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent? Have you ever seen a horsefull carriage or a strapfull gown? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable? And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who would actually hurt a fly?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
went for an audition in istana budaya.it was for M! the opera. i made a mess of the choreographed dance audition, but i went a little overboard for the impov. did the last few lines from "defying gravity" for the singing part. got called back to read a few lines as well. 8D
In April 2005 M! The Opera is to be staged, with music by Saidah Rastam, the libretto by Jit Murad, and choreography by Judimar Monfils. It is about a battle between M, a legendary fashion designer, and his protégé. The production will be in collaboration with the fashion industry. The music combines operatic singing with experimental ways of using voices, including “asli” chants and sound effects.
i think they liked me... i'm really excited and i hope this pulls thru, am really looking forward to the experience.
also watched sky captain today! i am so in love with the quality of the design! but i have to say, the plot's pretty predictable at times, but comes across as really cute cos it's 1930's. overall a beautiful movie straight out of those "golden age" comics.
my life seems to back on track. wheeeee. except for the back dated assignments part. gosh how i am getting befuddled by illustrations...grrrrrrrr
damn, i wish i had money to buy all that supercrazycool stuff from ikea to make over my room. cos everytime i look at my desk, i lose all semangat to do my assignments :P
weird. it needed a shutdown to get me feeling back to almost normal, i think. i also think it's because of shutting off let me view things a bit more objectively.
( haha thinking too much again, but oh well 8D )
i am being bugged by the fact i have been paranoid, overly emotional, overly sensitive, too indulgent, needlessly depressed, illogical, much to sentimental, and so on and so forth. was i being a drama queen and tragic hero? hahha yeah, i WAY too full of myself. then i think adding self centered to that list could be a possibility as well. 8D
i was overeacting and spoiling a good thing going.
but i hope now that i've sorta calmed down and seen light and dark and the WHOLE lotta grey, i'm gonna work to add some colour there without screwing up the composition, harmony, and quite importantly, balance.
life is a work of art i want to make beautiful.
and don't get me started on the bloody subjective nature of beauty, i might never stop typing ;)
thank you sweet fate for landing me with such swankified, splendifirous, fantabulous, yummylicious, and grandilio friends.
time to get back to work, exploration week is back again, i better make the best use of my time goofing off and also getting some things that need doing.
still feel like something's stuck in my chest tho. it feels like the damn's straining at the pressure. but it hasn't broken yet. there's been cracks before tho.
*edit* i just suddenly had an epiphany, i realized what could be the cause of the problem. i jumped straight to the finish line. i din give us a chance to be friends before becoming something more. so now everything's happening out of sequence. hmmmmm. this is gonna be helluva ride. it's been that way anyway. 8D well, time to start over and
try to be friends before becoming lovers.
tho i do already love.
hee hee. it feels like i assumed the ending without going thru the whole book. hope i can make it thru and get a happy ending.
but i wanna say this again. what i felt is true, so now i am wondering how to deal with the fact of going back with all this and fixing the order of things. it's gonna be hard. i'm so afraid all this is gonna be misunderstood yet again.
i see a spiral.
i'm so confused. only got a few things i am holding on to as true and fact at the moment.
"Few shows, if any, and certainly none on network TV, have presented well-defined, complicated gay characters that might challenge existing perceptions of gay culture and masculinity. Unfortunately, by only reinforcing perceptions that viewers are already comfortable with, a vast majority of these shows preserve the status quo rather then challenge it."
but i live on. i just feel dead to everything. i dunno who i am anymore. i feel happy, but wrong.
it feels wrong to feel.
what am i feeling?
i don't feel sad. i don't feel.
i don't wanna think anymore. it has been proven. more bad than good happens whenever i let go. the few good things have made me forget the multitude of terrible things.
i'm a ghost.
i don't want to wake up tommorow. i probably wont. but my brain and body will continue on. i seem to have lost my soul.
i finally managed to open the door to my heart, it came out, saw the sun walked around and rejoiced in the fresh air, but then ran back into the tower again and threw away the key, when it seemed too bright.
If of all words of tongue and pen,
The saddest are, "It might have been,"
More sad are these we daily see:
"It is, but hadn't ought to be."
Francis Brett Hart (or John Greenleafe Whittier, "Maud Muller")
well, looking back at myself, i seem to have internalised this nickname after meeting a mad bunch of people at college that i could click with.
it all started when they already had their own group and thru luck or something i started hanging out with them, probably at that time, they were the only rabid anime fans i knew of. 8D
well anyways, all of us had watched this particular anime and manga series called "fruits basket"
for a sorta synopsis go here, or here. it's also called "furuba" for short.
well, anyway, for fun, we just gave each other nicknames based on the characters in that show and based on our own characters, cos there were a LOT of characters, and we were a bunch of characters ourselves. ;)
anyways, the more we went along with this, the more parallels we found we our nicknamed characters, so the names sorta stuck or became interchangeble when refering to each other or while talking.
so that's it i guess.
if you wanna see more about the rest of furuba dysfunctional, mosey over to my deviantart site, all the links to their own sites are there in my journal box.
You'll never know till you reach the top if it was worth the uphill climb
went to see "emas 10" at istana budaya. went to support keith who was performing innit, and to also expose/educate myself on the contemporary dance scene.
my first dance show! it's pretty cool to see such talent, creativity and quality in local productions.
...
my only beef is that there was virtually NO media blitz for this show, it's such a waste.
for a better insight and also views in which i couldn't agree more with, here's what tracy, my yababom sistah had to say on the evening.
went for mamak later, photos below 8D
calvyn and regina
shannon and azlan
keith and tracy
Shane Glines adore his art style, tho too many scantily clad women in my opinion, variety is the spice of life!!!
Love is a perky little elf dancing a merry little jig and then, suddenly, he turns on you with a miniature machine gun.
and i refuse to describe myself anymore. because i don't know i can ever see myself for who i truly am. i may have a vague idea, but that's it.
everyday i keep on surprising and shocking myself with the amount of things i do consciously or otherwise.
now i leave you with one of those cute and clever songs i first heard sung by a bunch of cute and clever guys from harvard hahah
Words by Dean Friedman
I leave from softball practice every night
It's getting dark, but the Golden Arches light up the way
I turn the corner at the traffic light
I count my money and then I rehearse what I'm going to say
"I'd like an order of fries, a quarter-pounder with cheese,
I love the light in your eyes, will you go out with me please?"
Chorus
I am in love with a Mc Donalds girl
She has a smile of innocence so tender and warm
I am in love with a Mc Donalds girl
She is an angel in a polyester uniform
She doesn't try to impress anyone
She doesn't act real tough like all the other girls that I know
She don't treat me like a simpleton
She's not ashamed to be the only other virgin I know
When my hamburger's cold, I get up ready to go,
She's only fifteen years old, and I'm in love with her soul
She's got a gold tooth, you know she's hardcore
She'll show you a good time, then she'll show you the door - Boy!
Chorus
There she stands behind the register
She's taking orders from the Saddle River Little League
If they knew how much I wanted her
Their homeroom teachers would have to send them home for a week
As I head through the door, the movement catches her eye
My heart begins to soar, she smiles, she waves good-bye, good-bye
Good-bye, good bye...
Chorus
Uno, dos, tres, quatro
Big Mac, Filet'o'Fish, Quarter Pounder, French Fries
Icey Coke, Thick Shakes, Sundaes and Apple Pies
Sing that song of taste
You can only find at one place: Mc Donalds
