Sunday, March 27, 2005
teddy tale
my parents brought home this cute looking teddy bear from a nutrition society conference a few days ago. looks can be deceiving, and my mom shocked me when she said it was a measuring tape, not a teddy bear. some things need to be seen to believed, so i put together a lil something to expose this scandalous contraption.

How to speak about women and be Politically Correct:

* She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
* She does not TEASE or FLIRT - She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.
* She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
* She is not HORNY - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.
* She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE
* She is not a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.
* She is not a TWO BIT WHORE - She is a LOW COST PROVIDER.
posted by onigiri @ 3:42 AM   |
Saturday, March 26, 2005
white out
things i have done lately:
  • watched Robots.
  • sat in mamak drawing distorted oinkers.
  • changed my desktop and windows visual style.
  • watched the last episode of samurai champloo.
  • survived a marketing midterm exam (an anti climax).
  • spent a whole lotta cash. (redang(some of it) and mp3 playa.)
  • managed to alter my spending habits.(managed to save about 50% of my weekly allowance). let's all say -manage- one more time for fun.
  • cured my aversion to eating at ming tien sunway.
  • losed some weight yesh!
  • some random stuff

things in progress:
  • reading william gibson's "pattern recognition"
  • being an anime bit torrent listings lurker
  • reading david rakoff's "fraud"
  • figuring out how to layout my magazine project (school as well as another one).
  • avoiding stepping on anyone's toes, and hoping i can offer some tiger balm and band aids for those whose toes are a bloody pulp as a result of my lack of coordinaton and intelligence.
  • growing up.
  • plans for world domination, involving a large scale hypnosis campaign and blogs.
  • {you...will...forget....that....}
  • trying to be an interesting person without really trying, cos trying to be cool is not cool. damn, that leaves a lot of us in a pickle doesn't it?
  • trying to find that balance. everything. if not i might just tip over the cliff into oblivion.
  • realising this post is like a grammar exercise in tenses.

things i plan to do:
  • achieve independance.(looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong way to go).
  • get a scholarship.
  • earn mullah.
  • be a good person, without being sappy.
  • suddenly wake up to find life has just been an illusion and that i'm actually a lottery winner who lives in a penthouse in manhattan.
  • or else, i wake up to find i am actually who i am and everything is just as bad as i thought it was. because, as bad is never as bad as worse.
is a pessioptimist a person who expects the worse, but hopes for the best?

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
Steven Wright
posted by onigiri @ 1:29 AM   |
Saturday, March 19, 2005
little things


posted by onigiri @ 1:58 PM   |
Friday, March 18, 2005
ram's bladder cup


We use only the finest baby frogs, dew picked and flown from Iraq, cleansed in finest quality spring water, lightly killed, and then sealed in a succulent Swiss quintuple smooth treble cream milk chocolate envelope and lovingly frosted with glucose.

from the "Crunchy Frog" sketch by Monty Python
posted by onigiri @ 1:48 AM   |
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
care for some hummus or cous cous?


The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Steven Wright
posted by onigiri @ 2:14 AM   |
Sunday, March 13, 2005
chemical imbalance


Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.
Miss Piggy
posted by onigiri @ 11:43 PM   |
sotong experiences. le grand adventure.
what a day. i got the rehersal time wrong. ended up late for rehersal. only after coming home i realised i sweared in front of the composer.

ohshitshitshitshitshit. fark.

hitched a lift from somone to bandar tun razak. took star line lrt to bandaraya station, which is very near sogo. misread the map and walked in the wrong direction to the interchange ktm station. walked all the way to the old old main station, the one near heritage hotel. at least got to walk thru dataran merdeka and see it personally on foot. a first for me. hmmm getting onto the starline lrt also was a first for me. wow! it was a hot day.

anyways, got to carrefour station. eventually. so late. so zonked. parents had made a deal that they would only be wiling to pick me up from that station. i realise i made a really really big circle from PJ to Sri Petaling to KL to Subang. *does sotong movements to properly express my dissapointment in myself* still not hopping mad tho. just really really out of it by that time.

anwyays, parents get me. want to go shopping at parkson and carrefour. fine. we need milk.

feel slightly vindicated because managed to get 2 tops for 19.90, at F.O.S sale. they be bright orange.

got home. asked for allowance. got into a minor spat with financers. told that i need to get a job, and that i should work out the complications because if i want the money i should work for it and quit whining. i feel put down but i cannot get angry because they are right. but then my dad pulls out a electric weighing scale which can read my body fat percentage. it seems i am slightly over, and since i am a sedentary creature,(despite such anomalies as me walking all around KL today and having dance class last night), i must excersize more. i must control my diet and my habits. he urges me to get a job teaching bodyjam classes. even tho i am a little clueless a the moment how to fit that into my life.

it's all a lil overwhelming, i must say. not angry, just feel very hopeless and reeking of poor self image. optimism puts up a fight, winamp deserves an amnesty award.

shit. i have not done any substantial work or studying at all. marketing mid term is up, magazine design is piling, packaging design lays virtually untouched, illustration is like filling a well with a colander, presentation and social ettiquette is a mystery hidden in a riddle wrapped in an enigma.

i am avoiding seeing the mountain for fear i'll fall of the cliff. i need to help myself get out of this. it starts tonight. i shall *
gasp* sleep before 2 am. baby steps baby steps.


i need a drink.

i realised i finished rehersal at 2pm-ish, and got back to subang around 5pm-ish. or later. uuurgh

Dalam satu pergerakan yang lancar, Bibir Gergasi menghantar satu tamparan padu maut anjing betina (bitchslap) dengan bibir gergasinya. Tepat terkena muka mereka berempat yang kononnya hero kartun Jepun!

posted by onigiri @ 12:38 AM   |
Saturday, March 12, 2005
jalan bijan (sesame street)
selamat dateng kanak-kanak sekalian, saya telah ditimpa inspirasi menterjermahkan klassik televisyen berpendidikan ini untuk faedah..tiada sesiapapon. tetapi, kecanggihan bahasa ku tidak boleh mengecapi ketinggian kemahiran yang ditunjukkan oleh si-fu saya di sini.

dia merupakan inspirasi saya dan saya akan bertindak seperti saya tidak mengenalinya dan tidak memberi sebarang kredit apabila saya memenangi hadiah nobel sastera, oleh kerana aku adalah kelahiran generasi cinta cetak rompak. ini adalah kewajipan saya kepada ahklak masa kini yang patut dipromosi dan amat "chun" sekali.

tetapi, ku sudah lari topik. saya tidak akan minta maaf kerana kamu masih membaca dan padan muka.

oh tidak! oh kepahitan jiwaku merentasi lautan mengaum! saya sudah terlupa adegan yang patut diceritakan. hanya yang boleh diingati adalah skandal berkualiti seumpama edisi siasat dan kisah benar, yang akan membongkar misteri hubugan sulit antara burung besar dan raksaksa biskut, dan kenapa si oskar bermuram masih ingin tinggal sebagai sampah masyarakat. (ini bukan metafora, kerana si oskar tinggal dalam tong.)

aduhai aduhai apa yang sedang berlaku kepada masyarakat masa kini?! ini yang boleh diceritakan buat masa kini kerana ku sudah malas ber taip taip.

biar saya mengakhiri sesi ini dengan gubahan puisiku tulen dan tidak cetak rompak punya. jika tidak jelas, boleh pulang balik sebelum satu minggu.

daging khinzir dipanggang,
memang harum asapnya,
bahasa malaysia bahasa kita,
sila gunakan bila boleh.

rasalah kehebatan puisiku, yang sangat istimewa tidak boleh digambambarkan.


The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

Steven Wright
posted by onigiri @ 11:27 PM   |
haih, all you closet blog readers out there. if i had known there were actually ppl who see my crap here, other than alybabi and myself, i might have put more effort into what i write. :D

anyways, it seems there is a plot to go to redang, and it's actually moving along! wow, what a change form our grand plans of post SPM celebratory trips which never materialized but only accumulated in reunions to SS15 drive thru McD's mostly organized by *ahem*.(names shall not be mentioned here, for i do have some sort of semblance of pity in my soul, as dubious as that may sound.)

now lies the question of funding. oh lords of cash cows give me strength and guidance. i shall either have to go the way of anorexia nervosa, or use my salesman pitch, or what's left of my new year money. i wonder if there's anyone i can blackmail. anybody willing to be my sugardaddy/momma? hehehe

i hear the blackmarket trade in organs is profitable...hmmmmmm...

random crap
fun for the whole family.

Satan Snaps
they're devilishly delicious

Crossdressing fun with lycra, rubber masks, and boots
i wonder if anyone dares visit this site...

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Steven Wright
posted by onigiri @ 1:40 AM   |
Friday, March 11, 2005
another hundred people


Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
Steven Wright
posted by onigiri @ 3:55 PM   |
Thursday, March 10, 2005
being alive


The difference between involved and committed can best be explained using a bacon and egg breakfast as an example: The chicken is involved but the pig is committed.
posted by onigiri @ 3:14 PM   |
deepest darkest

i survived. i survived. *cue inspiring gospel choir number here*

in a valiant show of misplaced heroism, i tried to clean my room. that's right i actually stopped habitually writing it on my "to do" and "resolutions" list and actually went and did it!! yeah.

it's quite worrying seeing the amount of notes and other random crap i've accumulated over the past 2 years. i've uncovered some unsuspected thinigs, like my lost sense of neatness and organization. two things that sadly will forever be dead to me... at least until i move into my own place and have ikea sponsor all my furniture. oh how i love those scandanavians and their modular space saving storage appliance designs.

note* do something about weak willpower and discipline.

so now and i am revelling in that short-lived euphoria that i have not felt since i found an old angpow packet lying in my desk with some money in it.

it is indeed a feat of respiration that i managed to keep my sanity amidst clouds of dust and heat and runny noses and itchy nostrils and underwear riding into my crack due to the sweat.

yes, ladies and gentlemen, i am proud that i can finally see the surface of my desk after many months of helpless wandering about the house in search of an empty flat space to do my illustration assignments. my mother shall rejoice that i'll no longer leave elbow grease stains on the glass tops of the tables downstairs.

and there shall be feasting and joyous sounds throughout my little world in my head till the next battle against the trash pile. what i need now is a little plastic mannequin hand-onna-stick to pat myself on the back. 8D

BEFORE, sorta | this is more like what the place looked like while i was clearing. i was using the "take everything out and put it back in properly" strategy. beautifully simple in theory, but a painstaking bugger to actually do.

AFTER | note there's an actual flat space on my desk.

and now, for something completely different...

yes, he is.

katamari da vinci
blasphemy for the playstation generation.

Dealing with Excitable Pigs
go on, i know you want to click it.

"All I want to know is who the man is that looked at a cow and said "I think I drink from whatever comes out of those things when I squeeze them."

Calvin and Hobbes

posted by onigiri @ 1:39 AM   |
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
zu zu ang
my penang weekend. the distilled version. courtesy of my digicam hee.

crossing the sea




refugees from the heat

small cramped spaces

where's the food?

lychee kang


spot the pink

manhunt contestant

ba DOOsh schwiishhhh


we have landed

kempen pandang timur



original greenhall cast

post chocolate ice cream glow

happiness in a pink and blue paper cup

what choo lookin at?

night falls

the end

"How I wish that somewhere there existed an island for those who are wise and of good will."
Albert Einstein
posted by onigiri @ 4:15 PM   |
Sunday, March 06, 2005
lorong amoy
it's an actual name of a street in penang island.

the show there at actors studio greenhall went pretty well, other than the fact that on the second night we nearly outnumbered the audience haha.

cupcakes and cookies all round. more pics soon.

got sunburned again.

ate a lot of different things, but thankfully didn't overeat heheh.

a trip with suite living and sweet chendol.


Do androids dream of electric sheep?
posted by onigiri @ 11:48 PM   |
Thursday, March 03, 2005
kino das boom boom bang bang


Virginity is like a bubble... One tiny prick and it's gone.

Toilet Graffiti
posted by onigiri @ 12:39 AM   |
it's japanese for riceball. in more local terms, ba chang might be the equivalent.
Nutritional Information

Name: onigiri
Home: Subang, Selangor, Malaysia
About Me: i wish inspiration would come rape me so i can have its illegitimate babies

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