| Tuesday, October 12, 2004 |
| back in |
weird. it needed a shutdown to get me feeling back to almost normal, i think. i also think it's because of shutting off let me view things a bit more objectively.
( haha thinking too much again, but oh well 8D )
i am being bugged by the fact i have been paranoid, overly emotional, overly sensitive, too indulgent, needlessly depressed, illogical, much to sentimental, and so on and so forth. was i being a drama queen and tragic hero? hahha yeah, i WAY too full of myself. then i think adding self centered to that list could be a possibility as well. 8D
i was overeacting and spoiling a good thing going.
but i hope now that i've sorta calmed down and seen light and dark and the WHOLE lotta grey, i'm gonna work to add some colour there without screwing up the composition, harmony, and quite importantly, balance.
life is a work of art i want to make beautiful.
and don't get me started on the bloody subjective nature of beauty, i might never stop typing ;)
thank you sweet fate for landing me with such swankified, splendifirous, fantabulous, yummylicious, and grandilio friends.
time to get back to work, exploration week is back again, i better make the best use of my time goofing off and also getting some things that need doing.
still feel like something's stuck in my chest tho. it feels like the damn's straining at the pressure. but it hasn't broken yet. there's been cracks before tho.
*edit* i just suddenly had an epiphany, i realized what could be the cause of the problem. i jumped straight to the finish line. i din give us a chance to be friends before becoming something more. so now everything's happening out of sequence. hmmmmm. this is gonna be helluva ride. it's been that way anyway. 8D well, time to start over and
try to be friends before becoming lovers.
tho i do already love.
hee hee. it feels like i assumed the ending without going thru the whole book. hope i can make it thru and get a happy ending.
but i wanna say this again. what i felt is true, so now i am wondering how to deal with the fact of going back with all this and fixing the order of things. it's gonna be hard. i'm so afraid all this is gonna be misunderstood yet again.
i see a spiral.
i'm so confused. only got a few things i am holding on to as true and fact at the moment.
"Few shows, if any, and certainly none on network TV, have presented well-defined, complicated gay characters that might challenge existing perceptions of gay culture and masculinity. Unfortunately, by only reinforcing perceptions that viewers are already comfortable with, a vast majority of these shows preserve the status quo rather then challenge it."
Obscenity is the crutch of inarticulate fuckers. |
posted by onigiri @ 11:22 AM   |
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